Life thru a lens

I know I can be a scatterbrain from time to time. I can double book things. But when it comes to agreements that are important, I�m trustable and I keep my promises.

Hanne (my sister) called me late last night. I was surprised when I heard her voice. Instantly I knew there was something she wanted. She never calls just to chat.

�Do you haven any plans, next weekend� she asked me.

�No, not that I know of� I said while I found the calendar to confirm that I didn�t have any plans.
�It�s been kind of chaotic lately and I�ve managed to book a flight to Trondheim with Geir when I�m supposed to pick up the cats at the �animal-hotel�, she said to me.
�Can you go home that weekend?�
�Yeah, sure� I replied.

That was me being stupid and friendly again. Fuck! I�m always like this. I always say yes.

Hanne said I could use her car that weekend. I could go home friday afternoon and go back to Oslo again either sunday afternoon or monday morning. I went along with all she said. We almost started an argument about how easy it was to park the car on mornings where I work. We didn�t agree, but I didn�t want to pick a fight so I just said �whatever�. There was no chance that I was going to go on monday morning, in the rush hour and drive to work anyway.

As soon as we hung up, I started to get second thoughts. What had I said yes to? Me driving that big Volvo S60 inside Oslo and do street parking with it. Shit! When I went to bed, I could hardly sleep. My stomach acted weird. I lay awake for quite some time thinking through this; what I was going to do, how I was going to do it etc. I fell asleep in the end. I guess I wore my brain out.

This morning, I was in the same state as when I went to bed. There was no room for breakfast, my stomach hurt too much because of next weekend / the car situation. When I came to work, I decided to email Hanne and tell her I would rather take the bus, than driving and parking that gigantic car. If it had been a small car, like a MINI, it would be different. I could borrow my uncle�s car when I�m going to pick up the cats at the �hotel�.

As soon as I got an email back from Hanne with an �ok�, I relaxed. Problem was solved. Phew!

There is something bugging me. I think Hanne might have double booked on purpose. I find it very unrealistic that she could just forget that she was going to pick up the cats and be home at Lierfoss for a week. It doesn�t make sense. It�s an evil thought, but she might have thought that I would come and rescue her (as I always do) and therefore she booked the flight.

But at the same time, I wonder if she could be that evil. Could she really be that scheming?

I will never know, will I? I can ask her about it, but if I�m wrong she will be furious that I even thought such a thing. I think I will just let it be and end this thinking when I end this entry. I can�t change anything now anyway. What I can change, is the way I act and what I do and say. Sometimes I need to think about myself and not always other people. I need to put my needs in center.

I almost wish that I had lot of plans that weekend so I couldn�t have gone home. That would make it harder for her. Maybe she would have to cancel her flight? I doubt she would do that. I�m sure she would�ve used her clever brain and found out something smart.

I make it so easy for her to do the same thing all over again. In my mail to Hanne I told her it would be nice to be home at Lierfoss if the weather still is as good as it is now. Of course it is true, but I didn�t have to tell her that. I should�ve said that this is something I really don�t want to do, but I do it anyway. I don�t do it for her; I do it for the cats.

Ciao!