Life thru a lens

This evening has just been shitty! I�ve been lying in my sofa crying for a long time. I�m still not feeling ok, but I�m better. The tears are so close to pour out any minute.

You may wonder why I�m like this and I will tell you.

Chantie and I, we have talked about seeing each other. Not long ago I decided that I had to come and visit her sometime during my vacation. Yesterday I purchased the flight tickets. I will be going the 28th of July and fly back on the 31st of July. She lives not far from Amsterdam.

I�ve been so happy today about this thing, that I�m going to see her. I�ve told friends, Linda, Bj�rg and Ranjan, about this and they�ve supported me and said that they think I will have much fun etc. I also told Hanne about it on MSN today. She was in a hurry, so all she managed to say was �that�s fun!�

A few hours ago, I called home to talk to mum. She was busy so I had to talk to dad instead. I wanted to tell the news about my vacation. I wanted to tell mum first, because I thought that would be best. I know they could freak out, since they�re so overprotecting parents. But since mum was busy I had to talk to dad and I told him.

Guess what? He freaked out, told me �no way, you�re not going�. This is so dangerous. You�ve never met her before. He kept going on and on. We started to argue. I was pissed. He even said �they got hash there�. That ticked me off. �Do you really think I�m going to Amsterdam to do drugs?� I almost yelled at him. �You know me better than that!� �I know�, he replied, �but things can happen�.

After a while, I heard mum in the background asking why we were yelling at each other. She said we wouldn�t get anywhere with that. True! I told that dad that I would hang up and wait for mum to call me back when she had time. And so we ended the conversation.

A minute later, the phone rang again. It was dad that called me back. He was slightly humble, but just 5% or so. He said that we had to talk about this, discuss it. I said he could discuss this for a lifetime or so if he wanted, it didn�t change anything. He argued that he had the right to have an opinion, something I couldn�t disagree on. We sort of ended the conversation saying we should talk about it.

When I hung up, I started to cry. The tears pour out of me like heavy rain. I couldn�t stop for quite a while. It�s been a long time since I�ve cried that much.

I called home to give them happy news and this is what I get in return. I called home to get some kind of approval, not that it would make any difference if they said now. The flight is paid for and I�m going. But I would feel better if they said ok.

Mum called me back half an hour ago or so (10.15 PM). We talked for a while. I told her what I thought of dad and how disappointing it felt when he acted the way he did when I was telling him happy news. Mum just said he was worried, that�s all. Well, it�s ok to be worried, but he didn�t have to act the way he did. He could�ve been happy for me, but told me he was worried.

I told mum I thought that the only reason for him to call me back after a minute was the she had forced him to it. She denied that and told me I had to believe her. She hadn�t said anything bad, so why would she lie about that? So, I just have to believe her on that one.

When dad and I spoke on the phone, we also discussed my bike that I want him to bring to me so I can bicycle to work. We had an argument on that too. He told me it was too dangerous and that he wouldn�t bring me the bike. It was at their work job, since dad used it on a ride he had with his school kids.

Mum told me they were coming with the bike. I told her no, it�s going back to their home. She asked why and I said because dad said it would be too dangerous to use it in Oslo and that he didn�t want to bring it. She started to laugh and told me he was just kidding. �I don�t think he does�, I replied, even though I deep down now he was kidding. It�s just how he acts, trying to be overprotective. �Then you need to try to know him better� she told me. �That goes for him too� I replied. He needs to get to know me better.

I stated real clear I was in a really bad mood, I was pissed and disappointed.

Mum asked if we could meet tomorrow and talk about all this. I said yes, even though I�d planned to visit Hanne and pick up her sawing machine. But I almost changed my mind. I told mum I might choose picking up Hanne�s sawing machine, instead of meeting dad. �He will get sad if you do that�, she said. Like I care, I thought, but not telling her that.

I have no idea what tomorrow meeting will bring, how it will be. I just have to wait and see. Now I�m going to bed, trying to get some sleep. I�m exhausted.

Ciao!