Life thru a lens

My mind / brain are kind of fucked up these days. After I finished Robbie Williams� biography written by Chris Heat, I�ve been thinking about him. I listen to his music a lot these days.

I saw his picture on the cover of a gossip / celebrity magazine and they said he�d been caught with a hooker. I was so close on buying the magazine, just so I could see the pictures and read what was said. But I didn�t. I�m not that kind of a person. I can�t be. I can�t and will not be a whore for gossip like that. It�s not real �news�.

But deep down inside, I do want to know what was said about him. It�s weird, but I think I know him a lot better after I�ve read the book about him. I feel closer to him and I care more about him. I know, I know � this sounds very weird. And you�re right, it isweird. It is superweird. I don�t know how I became like this.

I see myself as a person that when it comes to bands and musicians, I buy the albums, I listen to the music, I go to concerts and that�s it. I�m not a fan the way Robbie describes it. You know fan is short for fanatic, and I�m not that. I�m not a stalker and someone that truly believes that every song is written about me and that I�m the only one for him.

After had read the book, I know now that you can�t believe everything that is written about celebrities. Not that I thought that before I read the book, but I�ve become more aware of it. A lot of times, in the book about Robbie, you got stories from the press and then you got the actual story / the truth of what happened or what not happened. It�s like what it�s written on the back of the book: �It�s all there, the inside story that the fans have guessed at and the tabloids have done their best to invent��.

When I read stuff about him in the newspaper, look at album reviews and I see things written that aren�t the truth, I go like: �You idiot, that�s not true�. It�s not the truth according to the biography. I get kind of upset.

Thinking about this, I lean more to the fanatic description than regular music-listener. I would be fanatic-type in Robbie�s eyes. I don�t want to be like that. It�s not that I�m so concerned of what Robbie might would�ve thought of me (not that he ever will think of me!), but I just don�t want to be like that.

But on the other hand, is it so bad that I care about him even though he�s a celebrity and someone I personally don�t know at all? I don�t harm anybody, do I? It�s about balance, isn�t it? You can�t get fanatic and obsessed; that�s bad.

You can listen to music, see the DVD�s, go to he concerts, read the biographies and let that be it. That�s how I have it, for the most� It�s like what I have with Springsteen. The music, the books, the DVD�s, the concert and in addition to that, it�s Backstreets; the magazine about Springsteen.

Yeah � you read right; Backstreets. I�ve just started to subscribe Backstreets magazine. I got the first issue yesterday. Woot woot! It�s just one year, I thought that would do as a start. Maybe I�ll subscribe it for another year, we�ll see. The magazine has been printed since he started his career back in �75, you know.

I think this Robbie thingy, is just phase, it will be over before I know it. There will be other music I will want to listen to instead for a while, there will be other DVD�s that I will watch. And because I�ve finished the biography, I guess I believe I won�t have an itch like this until the next biography comes out. Let�s hope it lasts that long.

This is the entry where I�ve give a piece of my brain a free hand and it sure has used its space to the max.

Ciao!