Life thru a lens

This morning was the worst morning I�ve had in a very long time. Even though I went to bed before 11 PM yesterday, I was very tired when I woke up. Bleh! And I�m sure my shower has something against me, because today it was evil. When I turned on the water, it was just cold water coming out of it. After a little while, the worm water came, but then it went superhot. The water switched from cold to worm all the time and I have no idea why. *sigh*

There was no way I could eat breakfast today. There was no time for that. I had to bring food for work. When I was almost ready to go, I looked at myself in the mirror. I didn�t see what I saw, so I had to change clothes. I changed a few times before I found something I felt comfortable in. But when I was up to grab my red Hummel tracking suit jacket I didn�t find it. It was among the clothes that should be washed. I had to choose another jacket. (I need to get that jacket washed.)

Bente Iren seemed cranky when she arrived at work. She said hello in a voice that you new instantly that she wasn�t in the best mood. I hate it when she�s like that. But at least it�s good that her mood is so easy to spot, and then you can avoid her as much as possible until she gets her good mood on track. She was in a better mood after lunch � thank God. It�s not fun to be around Bente Iren when she�s grumpy.

My own mood as been kind of up and down today. I feel unhappy, then things gets al right, then I go back to be unhappy again and so on� I kind of dislike the why my social life is right now. Most of the time, I don�t care. But this week, I really care. I guess it�s because I had such a lovely last week. And thinking about that this week sucks, makes me sad.

Listening to Robbie these days, has given me a lot. The song �Singing for the Lonely� has never caught my attention, but it did yesterday. Read the lyrics here . Robbie said in his biography that he hoped that people read his lyric and could relate to it. I�ve just done that. You can see a lot of my thoughts in that lyric. Esp. when he writes

I seem to spend my life
Just waiting for the chorus
'Cause the verse is never nearly
Good enough

I�m waiting for fun stuff to do, friends to be with, movies to see, caf�s and museums to visit and so on. They way my life is now, it�s not satisfying. I only have 1/5 of what I think I should have. Am I demanding? I don�t see myself demanding.

Who can I blame for all this? What can I do about it? Right now I�m too hungry to find out. Heh. I have to deal with it another time.

A balloon lost a lot of air yesterday. Have I told you, I playing with the thought of getting myself a new and bigger apartment? The thought has exited me a lot. So yesterday I sat down and tried to figure out how much money I spend each month on overhead expenses. After I�d done that I had to find out how much I have to pay monthly if I get a loan that equals 1.050.000 NOK. Fucking too much! My rent and monthly payment to my bank would be about 3000 NOK more than it is now.

So, now I don�t know if I can afford it. Three-fucking-thousands NOK. If I go for the deal, it will mean that I get 3000 NOK less to spend on things (like music, clothes, shoes, concerts, books etc) a month. I love to spend money and I hate not to afford stuff.

I know I really shouldn�t complain; there are people that have it a lot worse than me. Look at my friend Linda, she doesn�t have money to anything else than bills.

What should I choose? A bigger apartment with more space for my clothes and my things, or more cash each month to burn? All logic says I should choose a bigger apartment. You know, my apartment is now full. I have no more space to stuff things, so the only thing I can do when buy something new, is to toss away something old. And I don�t have that much I can, and will toss away.

The interest is very low now, here in Norway; it has been like this for two years or so. But we all know it can�t stay like this forever. And when I get a loan, I have to be sure I can manage to handle it when the interest rises. If it rises to seven and eight % like it was when I bought my apartment, it will mean over 2000 NOK more a month to pay on my loan. With the salary I got today, I can�t afford it.

I got really down after realizing that I might not afford a bigger apartment. I went and sat in my sofa and watched TV, trying not to think about it. It�s depressing.

Can somebody give me 500.000 NOK? I would appreciate it a lot and would be very thankful. Send me a note or drop me an email and I�ll get back to you soon. :-p

Ciao!